Bad mood

[serenissima]

I got home from class last night at 10 minutes to 9 PM. I had been in an almost neutral mood at the end of class, but during the drive home I was feeling sorry for myself, and as I entered my apartment I did have a little crying jag. It lasted only a couple of minutes, and then I went back to feeling almost neutral. I fried the chopped tofu that's been waiting to be fried, websurfed/checked email a little, fed myself, and showered, and was going to try knocking out a couple of other things on my to-do list, thinking that since I'd been functional on little sleep Monday and Tuesday, maybe staying up really late was all right.
But I was pretty tired by about 11:30, so I just investigated the one thing I see a deadline on, namely, skiing this weekend. The ski club I mentioned a while back has a bus trip this Saturday, and I think you have to sign up by the Wednesday prior. I have ski pants, jacket and gloves now, and we're running out of winter, so this seems like the time to go, if ever. I will likely not be living in this area next winter, and I'll be disappointed if I don't go skiing the whole time I've been living here. I emailed the person who makes arrangements to find out what I have to do. I don't know that I'll get to go anyway. I might need to shop for some specialized items, and the bus leaves very early (6:15 AM) Saturday morning from a town that might be a half hour drive from me, so obviously I can't shop on Saturday.

I'm ashamed that I didn't get my homework done in time to submit it last night. We can turn in homework a week late without penalty, and the classmate I've been studying with has been doing just that with every assignment, but I don't like it. I think it reflects badly on me, if only to the professor. I'll need her to write me a recommendation again when I transfer schools. Plus, I'm not sure I can properly understand the concepts we're studying if I haven't done the current week's homework.

I don't understand myself. I can't seem to make myself do enough of the things I have listed for myself to do, quickly enough. I don't want to take responsibility. I kind of want to live like a child and be taken care of. I was telling myself day before yesterday that the satisfaction of doing for oneself feels better than being taken care of, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself. I guess this is one reason I feel younger than my chronological age.

Comments

[breimh.livejournal.com]

We all have times when we want to take the responsibility, and other times we want to be cared for. It's natural to find yourself feeling down or bad/grouchy about doing for yourself with no real breaks for some while.

Often, when this happens with me, I tend to get more frustrated and cross with others around me (since I'm the "big bad wolf"/grown-up type in the household on a regular basis. But often, I don't have the capacity to identify that this is the problem until a few days later. When I was living on my own, I'd take a day trip to a family friend's farm, and help her (she was widowed when I was just starting into my teens) with chores there while also getting to be treated to home-cooked meals and some coddling from a surrogate mother-type.

Yes, homework can be made up. So can daily chores. Take the time to go skiing, and let yourself unwind a bit. Go out to dinner... go out for breakfast and lunch, if you need to, before then! Take some "me time" and let the rest of the world go hang; it's the only way to really pick yourself up, clear the cobwebs and darkness from your emotional (and mental) state, and be able to move forward with joyous aspirations.

*hugs* All the best, and do enjoy yourself.

[faeri.livejournal.com]

;_;

studying and work just makes me want to NOT do anything full stop, which is unfortunate because i have a big list of Things To Do at all times. so i know it can ge tyou down at times. *hug*

can i have your address so i can Send You (cheering-up) Stuff? (like the swapping thing, but not, i am producing far too much stuff and must send it places :D)

[copperwolf.livejournal.com]

*hug* Thank you! Today was better, though I can't pinpoint why. I didn't accomplish anything last night and still stayed up far too late, so I started the morning irritable. But as the day went on, I gradually felt better.

[copperwolf.livejournal.com]

*hug*
Living alone makes me bored and lonely, so I try to get out to do something fun every so often.

Today was better (for no particular reason), and hopefully I will not need so much cheering up, but I would love to get a package from you regardless. I'll email you.